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WALEED ALY: [ON TV] Mark
Strauss, welcome to The Project.
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00:00:02,343 --> 00:00:04,460
Thank you so much, Waleed,
it's a pleasure to be here.
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00:00:04,485 --> 00:00:06,815
Congratulations on the
book, but mainly, the career.
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I mean, the people that you've
interviewed is extraordinary to list.
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Trump, Hillary Clinton, David Cameron...
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Do you think he's going bald?
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No, he looks amazing.
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For someone who's just got off a plane.
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I mean, he would've just
flown in from Heathrow.
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I'll say it again, I don't
know why you guys broke up.
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He wanted to be a foreign correspondent.
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And I didn't want a
long-distance relationship.
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It wouldn't have worked anyway.
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What, you have something
against successful,
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good-looking adventurers, do ya?
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No, I'm in a relationship with one now.
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[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
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Working at a hot desk does
not constitute adventure.
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Okay, sure, it's not being
shot at, but, you know,
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you're exposing yourself to
many times the number of germs
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compared with a personal
workstation. Many times.
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See, I don't know if you're joking
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or being an irredeemable soft-cock.
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I've got some almonds to activate.
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- Excuse me.
- [GROANS]
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Nice one, Dad.
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What?
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I wasn't the one banging on
about how good Mark looked.
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I said he looked good
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for someone who'd been
on a plane for 24 hours.
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I didn't promote the idea
of getting back with him.
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Well, Fin's too sensitive!
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It's the anniversary
of his dad's passing
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and my ex-boyfriend's coming to visit.
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So give him a break.
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You give him a break.
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I'm sick of giving him breaks.
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What'd he die of, disappointment?
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Synced and corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
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Ah, look, I'm sorry about your dad.
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Angie told me it's the
anniversary of his passing.
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Thanks.
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I'm lucky, you know?
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My dad lived until he was 80.
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Got to see me reach the
pinnacle of my career,
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and get married, and have
a beautiful baby girl, and...
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... you really missed out on that.
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Have you ever considered
being a grief counsellor?
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- Nah, it's more of a hobby. Is it?
- Hmm.
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Look, why don't I take
you out for a soy latte?
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My shout.
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Yeah, I don't think so.
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I wanna be home when
Mr Amazing gets here.
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Well I've got to take Mr
Amazing off to the newsroom
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so I'll be back in plenty of time.
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Yeah, look, I'd really prefer just to
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hang out here if
it's all the same to you.
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It'd be a great bonding experience.
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Then we can swing past the garage
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and pick up that scooter you wrecked.
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That wasn't my fault.
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Really?
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Because...
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... according to
this security footage...
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... uh, yes, it was.
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You tricked me into pressing
drive when I was trying to reverse.
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That does not come through
in the footage, does it?
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- It's on a loop.
- Yeah, I noticed.
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- It's on a little loop.
- Thank you for doing that.
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Ow. 3,000 views there.
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Oh, yeah? How many of those are yours?
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Haven't put it online yet.
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Listen, I'm not even asking
you to pay for the repairs,
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I simply need someone to help
me load it onto a trailer.
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Is that too much to ask?
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- [SIGHS] Fine.
- Hmm?
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- Pardon?
- Yes, fine.
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- Great. Great.
- I'll come.
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Who was the last Australian men's
singles champion at Wimbledon?
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- Lleyton Hewitt.
- Mm-hm.
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Whose comeback album, Whispering Jack...
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John Farnham.
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Impressed. Alright, who am I?
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Born November 26th...
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Australian comedian
Dave "Hughesy" Hughes.
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No, It was West Indian
wicket-keeper batsman,
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- Ridley Jacobs.
- Really?
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No, it actually was Dave Hughes.
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- How did you know?
- Thank you very much!
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Alright, let me ask you a
question about my generation.
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Who am I?
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I was born in White Plains,
New York, May 14, 1984.
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No?
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I attended Harvard University
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and launched a social networking
service from my dormitory room.
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I founded Facebook.
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And my last name is Zuckerberg.
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- Hold that thought.
- Okay.
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Ah, bugger me!
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Gary's up in Wang looking
after his sick mum.
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Coming back to me now.
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No, he said he would leave
the key under the metal bin.
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OK.
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We have to go over the
gate to get to the key.
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I would, but I can't on
account of my Ankylosing...
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- spondylitis.
- Spondylitis. Oh, yeah, I know.
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The repairs to that scooter
were over $2,000.
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You go over that gate and get
the key, we'll call it even.
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Again, not my fault, but whatever.
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See? That's the spirit.
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Here we go. Alright. Now, just
be very careful up there, OK?
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There you go. Put your toe up there.
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Good boy. Alright, keep going up.
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- Very high.
- Okay.
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Now, just watch out,
there's barbed wire up there.
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Don't wanna take you back to
Angela with a shredded ball bag.
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[GROANS] Filthy.
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OK, can you see the bin? The metal bin?
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- Yep.
- Alright, that's where the key is.
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Okay.
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- Doing great, mate.
- Oh, boy.
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Up and over.
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Yeah, be very careful
of that barbed wire.
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- Yep.
- Watch your balls!
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- Ooh, okay.
- Alright, there we go.
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- [SIGHS]
- Well done, Fin.
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- Good job.
- [GRUNTS]
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Ah, look, one thing I
did neglect to mention...
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[DOGS SNARL AND BARK]
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... they can smell a chai
drinker from a mile off!
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- Get help! Get help!
- [LAUGHS]
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They're not even real
dogs, you snowflake!
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- It's a tape recording!
- [SNARLS AND BARKS CONTINUE]
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Gary's way too much of a tight-arse
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to spring for real dogs.
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[LAUGHS]
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It sounded very realistic.
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Very realistic.
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Wow.
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This is definitely the
bloke-iest room I've ever been in.
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Oh, don't worry, snowflake.
We'll have you out of here,
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sipping lattes out of
avocados in no time.
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[SCOFFS] The reception in here is
terrible. They don't have Wi-Fi.
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How can they not have
Wi-Fi? It's a business.
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Because men work here, not
boys. They don't need Wi-Fi.
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Now stop crying and help me with
the scooter. I need to get back.
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[CREAKS, SLAMS]
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Now, that is a deadlock and
that is the only way out.
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So, I am assuming that
you have got the key.
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I don't have the key,
do you have the key?
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I don't have the freaking key.
You were responsible for the key.
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What happened to the little ladder
that was propping open the door?
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Oh, little ladder.
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Why'd you grab the little ladder?
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It was clearly propping the door open.
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'Cause I assumed that you had the key,
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considering you were
in possession of it.
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- Where is it if you don't have it?
- It's in the lock
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on the other side of the door.
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- Oh, you are awesome.
- You are.
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- You are.
- You are, you...
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- You are.
- [SIGHS]
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- Who you calling?
- Angela.
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Oh. Yeah, no reception.
Can you try yours please?
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I'll check.
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Oh, great, no bars.
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Zero.
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- Help!
- Help!
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Help us please!
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Help! Please, help!
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Mark, where are ya? Help!
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Better not miss Mark's speech.
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Oh, Mark's speech is
the least of our worries.
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Well, what's the bigger
worry than Mark's speech?
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- Mark just being alone with Angela.
- I did not hear a word of that.
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Angela having sexual
intercourse with Mark!
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Hey, you're right.
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You do have bigger worries
than Mark's speech. [CHUCKLES]
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[KNOCK ON DOOR]
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- Hi.
- Hi!
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Oh! Lip kissing.
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Yeah, I'm a lip kisser
now. That's right.
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I lip kiss all my friends.
It's just something I do.
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- Ah, maybe don't lip kiss Dad.
- Yeah.
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No, good call. Horses for courses.
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- Thank you. They're beautiful.
- Yeah.
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No worries. Look at this!
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Come on in.
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Ah, very nice. Eclectic.
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You cut your hair.
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You no longer look like
one of The Veronicas.
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[CHUCKLES] No.
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No, I've gone for more of
a Ruby Rose-type situation.
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- What do you think?
- Oh, it suits you.
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Thank you.
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00:07:42,132 --> 00:07:43,475
Dad should be home any minute.
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He's really looking
forward to your speech.
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00:07:45,072 --> 00:07:47,468
Yeah? Is he still threatening
to beat everyone up?
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00:07:47,493 --> 00:07:49,367
Yes, but that's now tempered by the fact
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00:07:49,392 --> 00:07:51,139
that he has a degenerative bone disease.
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00:07:51,669 --> 00:07:53,429
Maybe don't act too
shocked when you see him.
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00:07:54,632 --> 00:07:55,951
And your mum? How's she?
203
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,710
Living it up on the Gold Coast
with a new man we don't talk about.
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Talking of new men...
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00:08:01,544 --> 00:08:02,544
... is that your boyfriend?
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00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:04,087
- Yeah, Fin.
- Okay.
207
00:08:04,112 --> 00:08:05,167
He's in advertising.
208
00:08:05,192 --> 00:08:07,100
Ah, that's a...
209
00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:10,741
... hey, look, there's no shame in
selling out. There really isn't.
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00:08:10,766 --> 00:08:12,952
It certainly beats being
held hostage by the Taliban.
211
00:08:13,225 --> 00:08:14,460
Like this idiot.
212
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:17,859
That was dark.
213
00:08:19,116 --> 00:08:20,887
Am I detecting some male
pattern baldness there?
214
00:08:20,912 --> 00:08:21,991
No.
215
00:08:22,218 --> 00:08:24,231
Why is everyone obsessed with baldness?
216
00:08:24,256 --> 00:08:25,819
Sorry, just being a dick.
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00:08:30,972 --> 00:08:33,367
MR BLACK: You know who wouldn't
have got us in this situation?
218
00:08:33,392 --> 00:08:34,507
Mark.
219
00:08:34,661 --> 00:08:37,436
Oh, yeah, he would've had his
satellite phone with him, wouldn't he?
220
00:08:37,461 --> 00:08:39,710
And be calling his SAS
mates to bust us out.
221
00:08:39,735 --> 00:08:42,155
Mate, you don't become one of the
world's finest foreign correspondents
222
00:08:42,180 --> 00:08:44,367
by locking your girlfriend's
father in a garage, do ya?
223
00:08:44,392 --> 00:08:45,514
You think I wanna be here?
224
00:08:45,674 --> 00:08:46,987
The only reason I accompanied you
225
00:08:47,012 --> 00:08:48,647
was because you said it
would be the bonding thing.
226
00:08:48,672 --> 00:08:49,888
How do you reckon that's going?
227
00:08:50,042 --> 00:08:51,982
- Fabulous.
- But it's nothing personal, alright?
228
00:08:52,007 --> 00:08:54,354
If you had a daughter and
she turned up with you,
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00:08:54,379 --> 00:08:55,839
you would be concerned too.
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00:08:56,562 --> 00:08:59,287
MARK: Brexit leader
Nigel Farage was easily
231
00:08:59,312 --> 00:09:00,370
the most entertaining interview.
232
00:09:00,395 --> 00:09:01,675
And we actually got quite close
233
00:09:01,700 --> 00:09:03,559
until I broke the story
about his mistress.
234
00:09:03,823 --> 00:09:05,096
- Ooh.
- Yeah, uh-oh.
235
00:09:05,729 --> 00:09:06,967
But, Ange, you know me.
236
00:09:06,992 --> 00:09:09,367
If it's a choice between
friendship and the story,
237
00:09:09,392 --> 00:09:10,675
the story always wins.
238
00:09:10,826 --> 00:09:12,887
I was having a post-interview
beer with David Cameron
239
00:09:12,912 --> 00:09:15,847
two days before the referendum
and he turns to me and he says,
240
00:09:15,872 --> 00:09:18,268
"Mark, this whole thing goes
belly up, what should I do?"
241
00:09:18,747 --> 00:09:22,222
And I said, "Prime Minister,
do you want me to lie to you?
242
00:09:22,452 --> 00:09:24,231
"Or do you want me to
tell you the truth?"
243
00:09:24,349 --> 00:09:26,407
And he turns to me dead
serious and he said,
244
00:09:26,432 --> 00:09:27,768
and I'll never forget this, he says,
245
00:09:27,905 --> 00:09:30,207
"Mark, call me Dave."
246
00:09:30,620 --> 00:09:31,932
- He did not?
- He did.
247
00:09:31,980 --> 00:09:33,039
[LAUGHS]
248
00:09:37,002 --> 00:09:39,007
Have I ever told you the
time I played Truth Or Dare
249
00:09:39,032 --> 00:09:40,807
with Wendi Deng and Tony Blair?
250
00:09:46,330 --> 00:09:47,361
Where'd you get that?
251
00:09:48,272 --> 00:09:49,331
The fridge.
252
00:09:50,054 --> 00:09:51,393
Sorry, mate, there's none left.
253
00:09:53,932 --> 00:09:55,131
Can I have a bite?
254
00:09:56,063 --> 00:09:57,151
No, mate.
255
00:09:57,832 --> 00:10:00,731
[CHEWS LOUDLY]
256
00:10:00,756 --> 00:10:02,503
Think you could chew any louder?
257
00:10:04,723 --> 00:10:05,723
What time is it?
258
00:10:07,332 --> 00:10:09,206
- 3:20.
- [GROANS]
259
00:10:09,577 --> 00:10:12,207
If Gary's not here in 15,
I'm gonna miss Mark's speech.
260
00:10:12,232 --> 00:10:15,526
And I specifically bought
his book, best seller...
261
00:10:16,388 --> 00:10:17,447
... so he could sign it.
262
00:10:17,472 --> 00:10:18,589
Yeah, well, I'm sure
you'll get your chance.
263
00:10:18,614 --> 00:10:20,081
He's staying with us, isn't he?
264
00:10:20,618 --> 00:10:22,503
That's right, he is too, isn't he?
265
00:10:23,030 --> 00:10:26,167
Well, I hope we get back in time
266
00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:27,682
to make sure he sleeps on the couch...
267
00:10:29,772 --> 00:10:30,851
... by himself.
268
00:10:30,876 --> 00:10:32,292
I thought you said there were no more.
269
00:10:32,317 --> 00:10:33,936
I brought this one from home.
270
00:10:36,018 --> 00:10:38,447
MARK: People think I've
got some incredible ability
271
00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:40,567
to convince political
leaders to talk to me.
272
00:10:40,592 --> 00:10:43,487
But all I do is think outside the box.
273
00:10:43,786 --> 00:10:46,647
With Kim Jong-un, I sent
him some Swiss cheese.
274
00:10:46,672 --> 00:10:48,407
He loves Swiss cheese.
275
00:10:48,432 --> 00:10:50,768
How do I know he loves
Swiss cheese? Googled it.
276
00:10:50,932 --> 00:10:52,807
I think you're underselling
your research ability.
277
00:10:52,832 --> 00:10:54,247
Yeah. Yeah, you're probably right.
278
00:10:54,272 --> 00:10:56,268
Because I've then called Dennis
Rodman and he confirmed it.
279
00:10:56,538 --> 00:10:59,182
One day I will find out
why those two are friends.
280
00:11:00,042 --> 00:11:02,661
Sorry, I'm just wondering
where the hell Fin and Dad are.
281
00:11:02,686 --> 00:11:04,785
[TOILET FLUSHES]
282
00:11:04,810 --> 00:11:06,509
[LADDER CRASHES]
283
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,003
Fin! Fin!
284
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,128
Riddle me this.
285
00:11:13,292 --> 00:11:15,550
Who gets locked in a garage
with no way out
286
00:11:15,574 --> 00:11:17,706
and decides, "Wait a minute,
I might have a poo here"?
287
00:11:17,970 --> 00:11:19,749
A poo is not a thing you decide to do!
288
00:11:19,774 --> 00:11:21,269
A poo has a mind of its own.
289
00:11:21,294 --> 00:11:23,386
Yeah, well, real men
can control their bowels.
290
00:11:23,411 --> 00:11:25,867
Real men don't get locked in
garages. You know what, real men...
291
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,270
Real men don't live with their daughters
292
00:11:27,294 --> 00:11:28,509
and ride around on motards.
293
00:11:28,534 --> 00:11:30,362
Whoa, that hit below the belt.
294
00:11:31,511 --> 00:11:33,736
Well, just take your time,
mate. I can hang here all day.
295
00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:36,472
It's not like I've got Ankylosing
spondylitis or anything.
296
00:11:37,003 --> 00:11:38,556
- Do you have Ankylosing spondylitis?
- Yep.
297
00:11:38,581 --> 00:11:39,978
I had no idea, you should
bring that up more often.
298
00:11:40,003 --> 00:11:41,149
Oh, get on with it!
299
00:11:41,174 --> 00:11:42,401
Alright, alright.
300
00:11:42,789 --> 00:11:44,134
Easy, easy, easy.
301
00:11:44,159 --> 00:11:45,378
[GROANS]
302
00:11:46,405 --> 00:11:47,540
- Easy.
- Ah!
303
00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:49,700
- Oh, what is that?
- It's my nose. That's my nose.
304
00:11:49,725 --> 00:11:51,768
- Get it off!
- Easy, easy!
305
00:11:52,790 --> 00:11:55,069
Alright, nearly there.
306
00:11:55,094 --> 00:11:56,873
Nearly there.
307
00:11:57,090 --> 00:11:58,276
Two more.
308
00:11:58,365 --> 00:12:00,584
- [GROANS]
- There you go.
309
00:12:01,299 --> 00:12:02,401
There we go.
310
00:12:05,083 --> 00:12:07,370
- Yeah, no worries.
- Yeah, least I could do.
311
00:12:12,633 --> 00:12:14,952
DIANA: Folks, as you are well aware,
312
00:12:15,093 --> 00:12:16,828
most of you are a disappointment to me.
313
00:12:16,853 --> 00:12:18,585
- No, not true.
- [CHUCKLES]
314
00:12:18,610 --> 00:12:21,054
But someone who is not a disappointment
315
00:12:21,079 --> 00:12:23,328
is our old colleague, Mark Strauss.
316
00:12:23,353 --> 00:12:24,752
Would you please make him welcome.
317
00:12:24,777 --> 00:12:26,676
- Thank you, Mark.
- Thank you. Uh...
318
00:12:27,133 --> 00:12:30,773
First of all, just wanna say
that the education I got here
319
00:12:30,798 --> 00:12:31,884
with you beautiful people,
320
00:12:31,909 --> 00:12:34,048
provided the best possible platform
321
00:12:34,073 --> 00:12:36,524
for me to write this book, Marking Time.
322
00:12:37,412 --> 00:12:38,412
There it is.
323
00:12:38,647 --> 00:12:40,360
So, from the bottom of my heart,
324
00:12:40,529 --> 00:12:44,219
I wanna say thank you to each
and every single one of you.
325
00:12:44,244 --> 00:12:45,555
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
326
00:12:45,580 --> 00:12:47,344
Round of applause for you guys, please.
327
00:12:47,369 --> 00:12:50,094
- [APPLAUSE]
- Nice save, pretty boy.
328
00:12:50,119 --> 00:12:52,462
Dad! Thought I told
you to stay in the car!
329
00:12:52,487 --> 00:12:53,509
[LAUGHTER]
330
00:12:53,534 --> 00:12:54,704
But particularly,
331
00:12:54,729 --> 00:12:58,391
I wanted to thank legendary
sports columnist Mr Peter Black.
332
00:12:58,416 --> 00:12:59,416
Where is Mr...
333
00:13:00,869 --> 00:13:02,251
Not here? Okay. That's alright.
334
00:13:02,276 --> 00:13:04,790
He took me under his wing
when no one else gave a shit
335
00:13:04,815 --> 00:13:06,837
- and I'll never forget that.
- He doesn't care about you.
336
00:13:06,862 --> 00:13:08,798
You know what? I reckon you've
got a book in you too, Tom.
337
00:13:08,823 --> 00:13:10,407
Except that's where it should stay.
338
00:13:10,432 --> 00:13:12,790
- Am I right?
- [LAUGHTER]
339
00:13:12,815 --> 00:13:14,454
Dad, where the hell are you?
340
00:13:14,479 --> 00:13:16,235
Mark just thanked you
in front of everyone.
341
00:13:16,418 --> 00:13:18,938
And finally, I wanna thank Angela.
342
00:13:20,908 --> 00:13:22,150
My Ange.
343
00:13:22,721 --> 00:13:25,032
We had fallen deeply in love
344
00:13:25,057 --> 00:13:28,055
and we were talking
about marriage and kids
345
00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:30,751
when I got the phone call to
say, "You're going to Europe."
346
00:13:31,532 --> 00:13:34,477
Not at any stage did she
suggest that I not go.
347
00:13:34,502 --> 00:13:37,860
She has been a pillar of
support for me the entire time
348
00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:40,804
and for that I am forever
in your debt, Angela.
349
00:13:40,829 --> 00:13:41,829
Thank you.
350
00:13:41,869 --> 00:13:43,516
She let you go 'cause she
wanted to get rid of you.
351
00:13:43,541 --> 00:13:45,117
You know what, Tom? I
like making my speeches
352
00:13:45,142 --> 00:13:47,087
the same way you like having sex, alone.
353
00:13:47,112 --> 00:13:49,291
[LAUGHTER]
354
00:13:49,335 --> 00:13:52,032
That's it. That's it from
me. That's it. Thank you.
355
00:13:52,057 --> 00:13:54,344
- Thank you. Appreciate it. Thank you.
- [APPLAUSE]
356
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:59,235
Mark would've just
finished addressing staff.
357
00:13:59,955 --> 00:14:01,712
Can you be quiet, please?
I'm concentrating.
358
00:14:01,737 --> 00:14:03,471
He was definitely the
paper's best writer.
359
00:14:03,496 --> 00:14:04,835
How's your writing coming along?
360
00:14:05,026 --> 00:14:06,556
It's not really writing, though, is it?
361
00:14:06,581 --> 00:14:08,572
Oh, yeah, I actually
call it um... writing.
362
00:14:08,669 --> 00:14:10,165
'Cause until they come
up with another word
363
00:14:10,189 --> 00:14:11,525
that means the same thing as writing,
364
00:14:11,549 --> 00:14:13,328
I'm kinda stuck calling it writing.
365
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:16,330
Yeah, a good writer could've
come up with another word, but...
366
00:14:18,563 --> 00:14:20,659
If we don't find a way out of here
or Gary doesn't come back soon,
367
00:14:20,684 --> 00:14:22,135
you realise we'll be
spending the night here?
368
00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:23,439
I've made peace with it.
369
00:14:23,464 --> 00:14:24,883
I'm gonna catch pneumonia.
370
00:14:24,946 --> 00:14:28,322
We'll be fine. You're just
worried about Mark and Angela.
371
00:14:28,347 --> 00:14:30,049
You know, if your love is strong enough,
372
00:14:30,074 --> 00:14:31,392
then you've got nothing to worry about.
373
00:14:31,484 --> 00:14:33,143
And if it's not, and I fear it's not,
374
00:14:33,237 --> 00:14:36,306
then best you find out
sooner, rather than later.
375
00:14:36,331 --> 00:14:37,697
Well, our love is pretty strong.
376
00:14:37,918 --> 00:14:40,306
Mate, if your relationship was
running in the Melbourne Cup,
377
00:14:40,331 --> 00:14:41,907
I wouldn't want it in
the bloody office sweep.
378
00:14:42,008 --> 00:14:43,228
Hang about.
379
00:14:44,655 --> 00:14:47,674
Mark's used the exact same
quote to describe Rex Tillerson
380
00:14:47,699 --> 00:14:50,924
as I used to describe Greg
Chappell in my 1998 biography,
381
00:14:50,949 --> 00:14:51,988
The Backfoot Drive!
382
00:14:52,283 --> 00:14:53,588
- What'd he say?
- Oh.
383
00:14:54,202 --> 00:14:57,752
He says, "Don't cry because it's
over, smile because it happened."
384
00:14:58,189 --> 00:14:59,603
That sounds like something
I've heard before.
385
00:14:59,628 --> 00:15:02,158
That's because I wrote
it and it's iconic.
386
00:15:02,385 --> 00:15:05,010
It's ingrained in the nation's
psyche and he bloody knows it.
387
00:15:05,035 --> 00:15:07,094
So, he's gone from being
the paper's best writer
388
00:15:07,262 --> 00:15:08,502
to the paper's best plagiarist.
389
00:15:08,527 --> 00:15:10,705
Oh, bugger this. Let's get out of here
390
00:15:10,730 --> 00:15:12,986
so I can give that pretentious
pissant a piece of my mind.
391
00:15:13,011 --> 00:15:15,267
Oi! Come and bloody
help us, you bastards!
392
00:15:15,292 --> 00:15:17,260
- Hello?!
- Help us, you bastards.
393
00:15:17,285 --> 00:15:18,285
Somebody!
394
00:15:20,985 --> 00:15:21,985
MARK: There you go.
395
00:15:22,229 --> 00:15:23,291
Thank you.
396
00:15:28,448 --> 00:15:29,707
You called the cops?
397
00:15:30,053 --> 00:15:31,760
And all the hospitals.
398
00:15:35,202 --> 00:15:36,481
Trump was interesting.
399
00:15:37,981 --> 00:15:40,604
I was the first one to coin
the phrase "Hair Force One"
400
00:15:40,629 --> 00:15:42,494
for a think piece in the New York Post.
401
00:15:42,794 --> 00:15:44,564
One of his aides read it,
thought it was hilarious
402
00:15:44,589 --> 00:15:46,471
and all of a sudden I'm
travelling with the campaign.
403
00:15:46,986 --> 00:15:48,689
Mark, I love your stories...
404
00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:49,773
Thank you.
405
00:15:49,798 --> 00:15:52,244
... but I'm just a little
bit distracted right now.
406
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:54,719
Yeah, of course.
407
00:16:02,194 --> 00:16:04,553
I missed you while I was away.
408
00:16:07,609 --> 00:16:08,728
Me too.
409
00:16:11,161 --> 00:16:12,200
- Whoa.
- Hmm?
410
00:16:12,225 --> 00:16:13,492
What are you doing?
411
00:16:14,323 --> 00:16:15,497
Thought there was a vibe.
412
00:16:16,053 --> 00:16:19,005
My boyfriend and my father
are missing, possibly dead,
413
00:16:19,030 --> 00:16:20,324
and you thought there was a vibe?
414
00:16:20,349 --> 00:16:21,928
That's correct. Yep.
415
00:16:24,227 --> 00:16:27,169
Hey, I'm... Ange, I'm
good with rejection.
416
00:16:27,909 --> 00:16:29,424
Robert Mugabe rejected me
417
00:16:29,449 --> 00:16:31,005
when I first approached
him for an interview.
418
00:16:31,029 --> 00:16:32,395
And you know what turned him around?
419
00:16:33,469 --> 00:16:34,469
Tim Tams.
420
00:16:35,205 --> 00:16:37,458
I'm not gonna be turned
around by Tim Tams.
421
00:16:37,610 --> 00:16:39,109
OK. Well, that's...
422
00:16:40,673 --> 00:16:42,208
... you're better than Robert Mugabe.
423
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:49,474
FIN: Dad and I became estranged
in the last year of his life.
424
00:16:50,909 --> 00:16:52,841
Oh, 'cause he thought
you were a soft-cock?
425
00:16:54,343 --> 00:16:55,343
In a way.
426
00:16:56,176 --> 00:16:57,755
He wanted me to take over the farm,
427
00:16:57,848 --> 00:16:59,448
but I wanted to write.
428
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:05,708
Then he became sick and
deteriorated really quickly.
429
00:17:06,836 --> 00:17:09,208
Mum said I should call
him to say goodbye.
430
00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:10,833
I... I didn't.
431
00:17:14,144 --> 00:17:15,963
I cheated on Angela's mum.
432
00:17:16,747 --> 00:17:18,068
That's why we broke up.
433
00:17:21,256 --> 00:17:22,256
[LIGHTS CLICK]
434
00:17:22,434 --> 00:17:23,773
That'll be the timer.
435
00:17:25,689 --> 00:17:27,177
Alright, let's get some sleep.
436
00:17:27,295 --> 00:17:28,295
Yep.
437
00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:30,661
Leave the light on, please.
438
00:17:31,302 --> 00:17:32,521
Bogeyman?
439
00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:34,019
And clowns.
440
00:17:39,311 --> 00:17:40,790
[SIGHS]
441
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,786
I wonder what Angela's doing right now.
442
00:17:46,889 --> 00:17:47,889
Anyway...
443
00:17:48,697 --> 00:17:49,880
... sweet dreams.
444
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:55,893
Goodnight.
445
00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:02,028
[DOOR CLOSES]
446
00:18:07,593 --> 00:18:08,772
[SIGHS]
447
00:18:11,148 --> 00:18:12,169
[CHUCKLES]
448
00:18:15,242 --> 00:18:17,544
Yes? Did you call me?
449
00:18:18,467 --> 00:18:19,467
No.
450
00:18:28,664 --> 00:18:30,303
[SNORES]
451
00:18:35,871 --> 00:18:37,302
[SOBS]
452
00:18:43,722 --> 00:18:44,793
Any news?
453
00:18:44,987 --> 00:18:45,987
No.
454
00:18:50,683 --> 00:18:51,902
What are you up to?
455
00:18:52,723 --> 00:18:54,097
What does it look like I'm up to?
456
00:18:54,766 --> 00:18:57,324
Making pancakes, 'cause that's
what we do every Saturday.
457
00:18:58,193 --> 00:19:00,280
And wherever they are,
alive or God forbid, dead,
458
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:01,863
that's what they want me to do.
459
00:19:01,888 --> 00:19:03,067
[SNIFFS]
460
00:19:05,225 --> 00:19:06,225
Come here.
461
00:19:06,551 --> 00:19:07,863
[SIGHS]
462
00:19:08,385 --> 00:19:09,684
Come here.
463
00:19:21,057 --> 00:19:22,410
[DOOR RATTLES OPEN]
464
00:19:23,351 --> 00:19:24,722
MAN: [CHUCKLING] It is.
465
00:19:25,262 --> 00:19:27,800
[CLAPS] Up the friggin'
daisies, boys. Come on.
466
00:19:27,825 --> 00:19:30,004
Ah, thank God. Gary.
467
00:19:30,029 --> 00:19:31,520
Mate, what are you doing here?
468
00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:32,902
Oh, just mixing shit up.
469
00:19:33,691 --> 00:19:35,284
And someone left the key in the door.
470
00:19:35,309 --> 00:19:36,815
And someone took away the little ladder
471
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:38,316
that was chocking open the door.
472
00:19:40,127 --> 00:19:41,683
So, you know what, boys?
473
00:19:41,708 --> 00:19:43,707
Next time you lock yourselves in,
474
00:19:43,732 --> 00:19:45,300
there's a green button next to the door.
475
00:19:45,325 --> 00:19:47,284
Give it a push and it releases the lock.
476
00:19:48,527 --> 00:19:50,472
[BUZZ!, CLANK!]
477
00:19:52,671 --> 00:19:53,909
[SIGHS]
478
00:20:00,121 --> 00:20:01,994
RECORDING: Hi, this is Fin.
Sorry I missed your call.
479
00:20:02,019 --> 00:20:03,360
I really am quite sorry.
480
00:20:03,385 --> 00:20:04,945
- [HORN HONKS]
- Please leave me a message.
481
00:20:13,885 --> 00:20:15,120
Where the hell have you been?
482
00:20:15,145 --> 00:20:17,160
Short answer, Fin stuffed up again.
483
00:20:17,185 --> 00:20:18,780
Mr Black! How are you?
484
00:20:18,805 --> 00:20:20,447
I don't shake hands with plagiarists.
485
00:20:20,723 --> 00:20:21,862
Excuse me?
486
00:20:22,049 --> 00:20:24,788
You stole my, "Don't
cry because it's over,
487
00:20:24,813 --> 00:20:26,400
"smile because it happened," line.
488
00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:28,533
What are you talking about?
It's a Dr Seuss quote.
489
00:20:29,602 --> 00:20:31,501
Did you not know it
was a Dr Seuss quote?
490
00:20:31,526 --> 00:20:32,782
Did you think you thought of it?
491
00:20:32,807 --> 00:20:35,744
No, if it is a Dr Seuss quote,
I'm not conceding that it is,
492
00:20:35,769 --> 00:20:38,080
I'm pretty sure that I thought
of it independently of him.
493
00:20:38,105 --> 00:20:39,121
I'm pretty sure you didn't.
494
00:20:39,145 --> 00:20:40,251
Well, I'm pretty sure you're a dickhead.
495
00:20:40,276 --> 00:20:42,292
I'm pretty sure, you and I,
we're gonna get through this.
496
00:20:42,317 --> 00:20:43,345
I'm pretty sure we won't.
497
00:20:43,708 --> 00:20:46,994
I'm just grateful that Angela's
finally found a decent man like Fin.
498
00:20:47,147 --> 00:20:48,345
- Pete...
- Mr Black.
499
00:20:52,241 --> 00:20:53,920
Fin, this is Mark.
500
00:20:53,945 --> 00:20:55,044
Mark, Fin.
501
00:20:56,253 --> 00:20:57,680
Righto, full disclosure,
502
00:20:57,705 --> 00:20:59,920
I tried to make a move
on Angela last night
503
00:20:59,945 --> 00:21:03,228
but you'll be pleased to
know, she remained steadfast.
504
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:04,525
Oh, thanks very much.
505
00:21:04,550 --> 00:21:05,634
Maybe I was trying to do you a favour.
506
00:21:05,659 --> 00:21:06,698
- Really?
- Yes.
507
00:21:06,723 --> 00:21:09,080
Everything great about
hanging out with Ange
508
00:21:09,105 --> 00:21:11,200
is mitigated by old buggerlugs
trying to hang about,
509
00:21:11,225 --> 00:21:12,361
trying to neg you all the time.
510
00:21:12,385 --> 00:21:15,320
- Huh, thought it was just me.
- No.
511
00:21:15,461 --> 00:21:17,160
You know Dad gives everyone shit.
512
00:21:17,185 --> 00:21:19,364
Well, yeah. But he makes it so personal.
513
00:21:19,389 --> 00:21:20,800
Yeah, that's his superpower.
514
00:21:20,825 --> 00:21:22,960
He tried to fight me and shoot me.
515
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:24,040
And I don't mind saying,
516
00:21:24,065 --> 00:21:25,712
I've saved that bastard's
life more than once.
517
00:21:25,737 --> 00:21:28,360
But then when Ange and I broke
up, suddenly he wants to be mates.
518
00:21:28,385 --> 00:21:29,423
[CHUCKLES]
519
00:21:30,371 --> 00:21:32,283
I'm just so glad you're back.
520
00:21:32,308 --> 00:21:34,587
- I missed you so much.
- Aw, I missed you too.
521
00:21:39,235 --> 00:21:41,080
I've got about six hours
to kill before my flight.
522
00:21:41,105 --> 00:21:42,251
Do you guys wanna get a beer?
523
00:21:42,276 --> 00:21:44,235
No, but I could murder a pinot.
524
00:21:44,571 --> 00:21:46,251
We have a lot to celebrate.
525
00:21:46,669 --> 00:21:47,837
Hey, Dad...
526
00:21:48,258 --> 00:21:50,103
... we're gonna get a
beer, do you wanna come?
527
00:21:50,128 --> 00:21:51,626
- MR BLACK: Mark going?
- Yes.
528
00:21:51,745 --> 00:21:53,048
Bugger that for a joke.
529
00:21:53,625 --> 00:21:55,383
Probably trying to figure
out how to sue Dr Seuss.
530
00:21:55,408 --> 00:21:56,444
[ALL CHUCKLE]
531
00:21:56,469 --> 00:21:58,629
- Could use a trip down the rub a dub.
- Oh, here he comes.
532
00:21:58,654 --> 00:22:01,413
Doesn't mean I've forgiven anyone,
though. Don't ever touch me.
533
00:22:02,771 --> 00:22:04,658
Apparently they've got a
new Argentinean Melbourne...
534
00:22:04,683 --> 00:22:06,200
Mm, Argentinean.
535
00:22:06,225 --> 00:22:07,384
How'd the speech go?
536
00:22:07,409 --> 00:22:09,898
Yeah, good. Thanks,
mate. Got a few laughs.
537
00:22:09,923 --> 00:22:11,680
- Thought you might get a few laughs.
- Yeah.
538
00:22:12,237 --> 00:22:13,696
You mention me?
539
00:22:13,973 --> 00:22:15,438
How do you think I got the laughs?
540
00:22:16,065 --> 00:22:17,958
No one likes a smart-arse, mate.
541
00:22:17,983 --> 00:22:21,383
Synced and corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
542
00:22:21,433 --> 00:22:25,983
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